XVIII

Firstly I thought
I was
fine; mmmmmmm Secondly, I thought
mmmmmmmmmll all was
mmmmmmmmmll fine; mmmmmmmml Thirdly, I discovered
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll I was
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll not.
She is
still a perturbing
figure, mmmmmlll But not
mmmmmmmmmll as she used
mmmmmmmmmll to, mmmmmmmmm No, not
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll anymore, at least
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll now.
Seeing
her provokes
me a desire, mmll A
mmmmmmmmmll feeling that
mmmmmmmmmll I thought sincere, ml Humble,
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll as she
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll asked me yesterday.
I cannot stand
them
walking around, ll Kissing each other
mmmmmmmmmll as
mmmmmmmmmll tender lovers, mmm Caressing each other
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll as
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll new-wed lovers.
The visions
are
killing me slowly,l Perhaps they
mmmmmmmmmll are
mmmmmmmmmll too much slow mmll Perhaps I
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll was
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll too much slow.
More
than ever I
am nothing; mmlll More
mmmmmmmmmll than ever it's
mmmmmmmmmll destroying me; mmll More
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll than ever I
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlll need emptiness.

XVII

Who
has created
this eternal hell, mm constructed in the
mmmmm same Paradise's
mm ground? mm Who
mmmmmm has tinted
mm lilies in black, mm when they enjoyed
mmmmmmmm their former
mmmmm blue? mm Who
mmmmm has spread
m old loud voices, mm though they were
mmmmmmmmm happy in
mmmmmm silence? mm Who
mmmmmmmm has awaken
mmmmm my ancient shadows, mm raising them from
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lackness and
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm light? mm Who
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm has stolen
mmmmmmmmmmmmm life through smiles mm in a well
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm wrapped given
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Who mm present?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm has written
without even think mm my own fortune
mmm on my
misfortune? mm Who
mmmm has intended
m to run away mm through a maze
mmmmmmm of infinite
mmmm paths? mm Who
mmmmmmm has been
mmmm constantly killing me, mm yet a complete
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Death there's
mmmmmmmmmmmm none?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm In love? No,
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm not you;
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm me.

XVI

"To be, or

not to

be?"

m

such a worn

and fascinating

question;

m

yet, it is mmmm at least not mm Thus: to be mm Feelings,

not enough mm without an mml alive or mm simply there

now mmmmmll object. mmmml not? mm had been none,

m

just shadows flowing

around, slightly

dimmed;

m

just intentions that

always were

degenerated.

m

Desires, perhaps, or

only flat

fascinations;

m

a kiss, a

caress, a

touch,

m

images picturing an

incomplete human

world.

m

Hopes, I didn't

know the

word;

m

yet, I understood

it as

well

m

as I understood

a physical

necessity.

m

So, to live

wasn't my

issue.

m

Now, reformulated: to

die, or

not?

XV

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm Love is
mmmmmmmmmmmml only a poet's
mmmmmmmmmmmmm invention,

llmmmmm A game mmmmmmmmmmm With words
mmm created by old mmmmmmmmm that pretended to
mmmmmm alchemists mmmmmmm formulate

mmmm A divine feeling mmmmm in a distant
mmmmmmmm that didn't mmm world of
mmmmmmmmmmmm exist m sensations

mmmmmmmmmmmmm And thoughts, of
mmmmmmmmmmmmm sights and
As mortals gods, mmmmm sighs.
mmm they once
mmmm declared mmmmmmmmmm The presence of
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a heart
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm beat,


lmmmmmmmmm Of
lmmm desperation, of
sickness without purpose;

mmmmmmmm As immortal
lmmmmmmmmmmm humans
lmmmm they founded chimeras

mm Destined to live mmmlmm Their creations
mmmmm after the mmmmmmm are the sudden
mmmmm feeling. mmmmmlmmm words,

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlm Liars in their
mmmmmmmmmmmmlmmmmmmm apparently unexistant
mmmmmmmmlmmmmmmmmmmmm immortality,


mm True in their mmmmmmmmmmmmmm Ephemeral

mmm portrayed existant mmmmmmmmm love perpetuated

mmm mortality. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm in six words.

XIV

If I would mmmmmm Here again, I'd mmm Life is completely
have to mmmmmmmmmm prefer mmmmmmmlmll painless in
be mmmmmmmmmmmll to unexist. mmmmmmlmmm vacuity,

And death, my mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm would finish
own and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlmm it all at
hers, mmmmmmmm Without dreams and mllmmmmmlm night,
mmmmmmmmmmmmml fantastically
Just dark, space, mmm created hopes mmmm The woman of
loneliness mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the coconut
& her, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm scent.

mmm She'd mm open mm her
mmmmm arms mmmm to mmmmmmm And mmmm caressing
mmmmmmmm me, mmmmmmmmmmmm my
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hair, mmm tender mmmmm action,

mmmm She mmmmm would mmmm say

mmmmmmmm slowly mmmmmmmm almost

mmmmmmmmmmm whispering, mmmmmmmm "Come

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm with mmm me, mmm my

mmm And mmmmmmmmmmmmmm little mmmm pet",

I mmmmmmmmmm would mmmmmmmmm freely

mmmmmmmm accompany mmmmmmmmmmmm her.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm It'd
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm be nice
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm an unexisting dead.

XIII

I mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm To
would like mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmllmm escape from
to loose myself, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm my former reality,

mmmmmmm Fair, mmmmmmmmmlllmmmmm But
mmmmmmm I would mmmmmmmmmml painful in
mmmmmmm never deny it mm its own persistence.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm Even now, I
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm recall her
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm words,

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Even
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm though I
mmmmmmmmmmmmm don't want to:

mmmmmmm "You are more mm And these words
mmmmmmm myself than mmmmmllm created the
mmmmmmm myself," mmmmmmllmlllmm reality.

Since she was/is mmmmmmmmmmmlmm And conversely, now
herself and mmmmmmmmmlmmmmmmmmmmllmm that she's
myself, mmmmmllmmm Who in the mmmmñlmmmmmm gone,
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm hell am
mmmmmmm To mmmmmmm I? mmmmmmm To
mmmm loose myself mmmmmmmmmllm loose myself
mmmm to forget her, mmmmmmmllm to become myself.

XII

transform lmmmm their dull existence into mmmlllm a creation of
this silence[,] llmm that covers mlllmll a blooming m sound changed
into loud water,[.] you,[,] mmmmmllll light of dawn, before

mmmmmmmmmll the inflicted isolation[,] being
mmmmmmmmmll that follows mmmmml a pretended
mmmmmmmmmll melancholy, mmmmm child always crying,

mmmmmmmmmll and mmmmmmmmml shouting for nonsenses.[,]
mmmmmmmmmll then you mmmmmmll release your
mmmmmmmmmll will[,] find yourself mll laughing[,]

enjoying the blue lll tears mmmll and of their ll mystery,
of these mmmmml set aside, mii secrets about wanting hope,[.]
waters mmmmmlll looking for a silence[,] mm though there's none.

XI

mm I don't want mmmmm I'm only looking mmmm Through its kind
mm to disturb mmmmmlmlll through the mmmmmllm of comforting
mm you mmmmmmmmllmmm window, mlmmmmmmmmm images:

lmm Sometimes a child mmmmmmmmmmmmmllm Sometimes a cat
mmmmmllll touching a mmmmmmmmmmllmmmm hidden in
mmmmmmmmml rose mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm black

mmmmmmmmmmmmmml Sometimes a kiss
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm delivered
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm in half-confidence

mmllmmmmmmml Or mmmmmmmmmmmm Or
mmllmm sometimes a mmmmmmmmmmmm sometimes a
woman sighing smiles mmmmmmmmmmmm couple walking around

Tender mmmmmmmmmmmmmm But mmmmmmmmmmmmml But
images that mmmmmmmmmm me, who mmmmmmmmm you, who
nobody can understand m brings them near mmm creates them first

X

Do you desire
to be
me?
mmmmmmmm Why?
mmll Because I seem
lm intelligent enough?
mmmmmmmmmmmmm Strong to confront
mmmmmmmmmmmmm my life's
mmmmmmmmmmmmm deceptions?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Wealthy
mmmmmmmmmmmmm to acquire anything
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I want?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Healthy to live
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmml my whole
l Well, mm there mm is mmmmlmmmmmmml existence?
mmmm nothing
mmm to mm desire.

mmmmmmmmm Stupidity mmm has

mmmmm been mmm my mmm only

mmmm wit.

mmmmmmmmmm Weakness,


mmmmmmmm nowadays, mmmm my


mmmmm state mmmm of mmmm confronting.

mmmmmmmmmmmm Poverty,



mmmmmmmmmmmm my mmmmm new mmmmm and



mmmmmmmmm acquired mmmmm present.

mmmm Sickness,




mmmmm my mmmmmm existent




mmmm and mmmmmm share-ending mmmmmm illusion.

IX

mmllmllmmmmmmmmmm Youth
mllmmllmmmmmmmmm is only an
llmmmllmmmmmmmmll old illusion

mmmllmmmmmmmmml Gambled
mmmllmmmmmmmmm three times
mmmlllmmmmlmmmmm in our life.

mmmm Gather together mmmmmm Divines as they
mmm all your pretended mmmmmm disobey the
mmmmmm dreams mmmmmmmmmmm truth.

mmmlmmmmmmmml Return to your
mmmlmmmmmmmlll second vanished
mmmllmmmmmmmmm innocence,

mmmmm Appereance mmmmmmmm Sigh with
mmmm of desire and mmmmmmm courage before a
mmmmm bleak love. mmmmmmmmm reflection,

mmmmmmmmmmmm Impossible to
mmmmmmmmmmmm follow and to
mmmmmmmmmmmmmll believe.

mmlmmmmmmmmm Delusion and it'll
mllmmmmmmmmmmm begin once
lllmmmmmmmmmmmmm again.